Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Chechen Stalking and Сильный Секс

February 7, 2008

I.T. has befriended a Chechen woman who works at a small kiosk along Chui, the main drag downtown. Apparently she had been stopping there every day for various items, and the woman eventually struck up a conversation with her and invited her into the back part of the kiosk for tea. As they got to know one another, Ina learned that this woman (I'll call her Z) was acquainted with the president of the Kyrgyz Chechen Diaspora (I'll call him S). I.T. asked if perhaps it would be possible to meet with him, to interview him regarding the latest news out of Chechnya and his views on life here in the Central Asian diaspora of displaced Chechens. Z said that she would try to set up a meeting. I.T. thought I should come along too, claiming that my Russian was better than hers; it’s not – although that certainly wouldn’t deter me from tagging along on this interview!

Anyhow, during the course of their getting to know one another, Z asked I.T. if she had a boyfriend... and then, if she was a virgin. I.T’s answer to that question was the best I’ve ever heard: “No, I’m Norwegian.” She went on to explain that in Norway, as in many western countries, it’s normal for unmarried people to have had sex. Today, when I.T. and I popped by to see if a meeting with the mysterious S would be possible, was the first time Z had seen I.T. since the are-you-a-virgin conversation. She seemed very excited to see us.

She sat us down in the back of her kiosk and turned to I.T. in excitement. “I’ve found just the man for you! He is Arabic, and he wants сильный секс!” Now, for those of you who don’t know Russian, сильный секс translates literally into “strong sex” and I suppose would best be translated as “great sex.” (Additionally, it has a superfabulous bit of alliteration going on, what with it being pronounced seelny sex and all.) She went on to tell us that this man was from Iraq but lives in Bishkek. He has two wives, although one is sick and the other doesn’t want to have sex on account of already having had six of this man’s children! Additionally, she stressed that he is very clean and a super religious Muslim, and that of course means that he prays five times a day and that he washes before each time he prays. She also told us that this fellow is 35 (I.T. is 21, by the way), and is a university professor who teaches English, French and Arabic. He also apparently is a karate instructor, wealthy, six feet tall, 200lbs and (according to this woman) super hot. He’s looking for a young, attractive, clean, intelligent woman (not Kyrgyz; he seems a bit of a racist and doesn’t like how Kyrgyz women look; one of his wives is Russian, the other, Arabic) with whom he can have сильный секс. Additionally, if he likes this woman and enjoys the сильный секс, he is totally willing to marry her and make her wife number three. Z was completely convinced that I.T. was the one to make his dreams come true. (She even was willing to bet I.T. $100US that the сильный секс would be good, and coming from a Chechen refugee kiosk worker, that’s some serious dough!) Anyway, it took I.T. a good 45 minutes to convince Z that she didn’t want to have сильный секс with this random Iraqi, attractive though he may be. At this point, Z turned to me and asked if I had any young, single friends (I being apparently too old and all) who might be interested in having сильный секс with the Iraqi.

I immediately thought of A, although not entirely seriously. After showing Z a photograph of A on my camera, she insisted that I call her and try to convince her to come down to the kiosk in order to arrange a meeting with this dude. Ahh, the hilarity which ensued. In the end none of us was willing to meet up with the Iraqi for сильный секс, but at least our time spent with Z was jolly and convivial. Of course, we never did meet the mysterious S, as it turned out that he had just left for Chechnya, where he will be for the next month.

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